New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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