ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
