is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
