Only a mothe r could love this liver
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
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don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
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One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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