the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
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