After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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