Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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