this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
