if i can run in heels then i can drive
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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