you guys were way drunker than both of me
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
