Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize