3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
