i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
