Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
