i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
this will be a night to untag.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
