NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
