I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
