Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
