don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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