we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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