So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
it glows. i had to have it.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize