I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
