She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
