hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Randomize
