i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
