What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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