I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
