The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
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it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
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They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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