I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
