my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
