you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
