I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
