yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
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