I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
