I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
You ruined the universe
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
