new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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