You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
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She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
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Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby