She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
25 Adults Reveal The Most Embarrassing Stories From When They Were Kids
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.