My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.