I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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