he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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