I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
she woke up with a sticky ear
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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