I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
