K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
