The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
