are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize
