when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
