Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
