did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
