you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
