I think I just saw someone hide a body.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today