you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.