I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.