our cab driver is having phone sex.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever