THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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