Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?