we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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