Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
