I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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