call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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