8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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