So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
