and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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