shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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