Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Slut skills are useful in every country.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex