Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?