Don't you send me to vm
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better