i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?