remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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