GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
