he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
We left an ass print on the piano.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
