Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
