I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
